True (and funny!) stories from real nurses

Have you ever seen anything so big?

James is 87, the sweetest of patients, one of nature’s gentlemen. Just the other day when I was giving James a sponge bath I stood him up next to the bed so I could wash his privates when he looked down and said, “Have you ever seen anything so big?”

I didn’t know what to tell him. All I could think of was there was this guy down in Florida one time…

But before I could say a word James shook his head and said, “My brother-in-law told me once that these have got to be the biggest damn feet he has ever seen!”


Pain assessment

I was triaging a patient in L&D who I thought to be going into labor. Doing the pain assessment, I asked her, “Is your pain intermittent or constant?”


“Does your pain come and go or is it constant?”

“Well, it constantly comes and goes!”


Strange diagnosis

A first year student in her first month of clinicals in a general surgery ward gave this report of her patient to her clinical instructor:

“My patient Mr. X is a 45-year-old gentleman who has been diagnosed to have a calcium stomach.”

The instructor was confused as she had never heard of a calcium stomach. When she opened the patient’s history sheet, it turned out to be carcinoma – Ca Stomach.


How can you live with that?

I was caring for a 22-year-old newly diagnosed insulin dependent Diabetic who was extremely non-compliant. In my effort to illustrate that compliance and good control of blood sugars generally will delay the onset and severity of long-term complications, I shared the clinical picture of a young man. The man, due to his denial of his disease, by 32 years of age was blind, on dialysis, had lost his testicles and was about to have his feet amputated. The patient cried out in horror, “How can you live without testicles?”



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